God is Sovereign, but God is not in control.

God is not a chess player. He is NOT a gamemaker like in the hunger games. He does not merely sit back and say, Night to B37, as He sits back and lets a tornado wipe out a city or an ailment fall to a family member or even yourself—leaving you to watch a pawn in your life fall over.

He is not in control like that. God is not in control in this world. He does not have the world or people or situations on His hands like puppets on strings. Everything does not happen for a reason…..

Holy Spirit, keep me

—your Presence,

my gravity.

We cannot without Him. His nearness, is our good. 

In joy, abundance, lack, sorrow, grief and everything in between, His Presence is always the answer. 

His wine is the only thing that keeps us sober. 

His Presence, the only thing that keeps us grounded to reality. 

We must stay yielded to His Presence at any cost. It must be our highest priority. 

He, God, fully sympathizes with us, so why don’t we, with ourselves. 

And us, well, I think the cross is continually longing to deliver us from shame and speak to us—that we are made in His image and we too, are good—worthy to be met inside every emotion held within the human heart. 

So, that strikes the question to ask, what’s leading you? 

That will be directly dependent on your level of surrender inside the totality of your being—to chose to yield yourself fully, to His Lordship and leading.

Stay tethered, let Him mend trust at the depths—within yourself and with Him.

Adoration, is the key to experiencing enjoyment in and the presence of God.

I’ll notice a lot of times, if I’m finding it hard to feel His presence I’ve usually been going at the speed of light and haven’t taken a second to catch my breath and slow down. I haven’t ate well, haven’t slept well. Ignoring a lot of warning lights from Him, stuck in 6th gear, revving in overdrive. This is usually hand in hand with having a week where I’ve experienced a whirlwind of emotions: pain, shame, anger and allowed myself to hit survival mode.

That was my own doing, I left, not Him.

When I feel this way—I don’t get angry with myself or beat myself up. I just know that it’s time to yield and come back home.

Wether it’s been 2 days, weeks, 2 years or if you are 20 years down the road in not experiencing His presence. The answer is the same: He is near. He loves you. Stop running.

Toxic Myth in the Church: #2 God Isn’t a Feeling.

To say God isn’t a feeling is to say that the Personhood of Jesus can’t be experienced. As a Christian this should not even compute or make sense to us in anyway—it is completely dissolved of the truth and reality of the gospel.

It’s like saying, “I walked down the aisle to marry my husband but it’s okay I didn’t feel Him. I knew He was there because people told me He was, but it’s okay that I didn’t feel Him kiss me after I said I do. He isn’t a feeling.”

If someone truly said this out loud, we would all be like—um, I’m sorry are you OKAY? Did you just marry air?

Faith is a substance. It is not air. It is completely and entirely felt.

Toxic Myth in the Church: #1 Your Feelings Can’t Be Trusted.

Emotions overwhelm us and lead us astray when they are not faced or trusted. This is where illusion lives, inside dissociation and compartmentalization. When we abandon our own realities and become suspended, head in the clouds, aloof, living in a lack of contact with what is real, unable or unwilling to be fully present to our own hearts. Emotions—the heart, can’t be faced fully or embraced when we feel shame around our own anxiety, anger, fear, pain and/or anything that feels uncomfortable.

We abandon ourselves internally when we label these emotions inside us as negative and “untrustworthy”.

When Illusion become dismantled.

When we enter the dark night of the soul—as Saint John of the Cross says, “a loving, purifying fire.”

Where He May feel more distant than ever but has only come so close with His severe mercy to cover us inside His shadow. Allowing a chastisement to take place that haunts our beliefs systems.

Deconstruction is only holy if it breaks off disillusionment…

The spirit of a woman is like that of a wild horse. She is unconfined and unrestrained. A containment of infinities. Soft and fierce. Tender and wild. Gracious and captivating. Grit and dirt.

More of my heart behind the womanhood project!