An Essay on Womanhood
The spirit of a woman is like that of a wild horse.
She is unconfined and unrestrained. A containment of infinities.
Soft and fierce. Tender and wild. Gracious and captivating. Grit and dirt.
. . .
She went a whole year only wearing her hair in a ponytail in second grade, because she felt vulnerable and insecure with it down. In Middle School, she didn’t trust the girly girls because they felt insensitive and mean. But in comparison, they reminded her of where she felt she fell short. Lacking presence in words and emotions from male figures in her life, she didn’t feel worthy and compartmentalized it into simply not caring or wanting to have to be or look a certain way; with makeup plastered on her face in order to be desired. She didn’t see that fight for attention going anywhere good, so she redirected it. She decided, to hell with it, she would prove herself. In elementary, she won in any athletic competition against men. She wasn’t going to let herself be controlled or used by men, like she saw happen to other women around her. In the insecurity of her worth, she continually made sure she was better, faster, smarter, stronger. She wasn’t going to be rejected further, so she rejected first. She never felt safe in her passion and feminine expression, so she buried her heart and her femininity to protect herself. She was me…and gosh, have I learned so much and continually so in the journey.
Though, before moving on, I want to state that I am definitely not claiming that I have this all “figured out”. My hope is to simply expose light and give articulation on what I have been studying and observing in our current cultural moment for a few years now —in my own heart and within the world around me.
In my research, The Freely Rooted Podcast stated something that hit me as true, “The majority of time women don’t feel safe to embody the feminine pull in their relationships. “ Though I’ve discovered, that it is safety, that is the key to unlocking true femininity.
Think about how many women currently have pepper spray hooked onto their keychains or in their purses; just notice advertisements, look at billboards in broad daylight that are casually endorsing gentlemen clubs where women are constantly degraded, sexualized and used for their bodies. The result we find from this state, is one of two ways on the extremes. On one end, you have the woman who has swallowed herself hollow in her pain by solely finding her worth in being sexualized: the playboy bunny. On the other, you have the rage-filled-altogether-independent-from-men, androgynous woman that has built a 2-ton concrete wall against her pain. Both, are a result of an immense lack of safety. Both are perverted forms of womanhood.
Being truly, wholly woman, is a rebellious thing and vice-versa, for men, so is being truly, wholly man. For men, male passivity might be one of the greatest iniquities of our day and age. What do I mean by that? I’m referring to male absence: men stuck in fear of inadequacy, limiting belief systems of powerlessness and victimhood, causing them to walk in a poor relationship with ownership and responsibility. Resulting in a passivity, that keeps them disconnected and shut down internally, unable to be fully present to their own heart or emotionally aware of and present to the hearts of those around them. While this is true for men, for women, rage and independency would be one of the greatest iniquities. For while men are fashioned to be protectors and providers, women are fashioned to be receptive and open. Though, what you have as the affect of male passivity, is a woman who feels unsafe: hardened, harsh, hustle-bent, angry from the absence of pure male leadership, communication, covering, presence and protection. You have women with tears in their eyes and gritted jaws, writing sentences like this at a feminine exhibit at The British Museum, “No longer wanting equality alone but wanting revenge for the mistreatment of womanhood. It’s a rage that gets stuck at the back of your throat.” Though the mistreatment is valid, rage is never righteous. For at its core, is not power but fear. The deep feeling of being unsafe. Which causes the dysfunctional affect, of women running their bodies to the ground in the pursuit of trying to be enough. Women not honoring their cyclical being, shut down to their creativity and nurture…consumptive, better, harder, faster. Hear me, I’m not pinning the problem onto men. Women need men, just as men need women to thrive. Again, my heart is to only expose a juxtaposed reality in our current society. It is a both, and. The issue is, cause and affect, and we’re both missing the mark because of pain.
So, what we do with this? We take ownership and we grow. We learn the freeing truths of Our Creator’s Way, the fullness of His intent. As women, we choose to unravel into the radical gift of womanhood.
In being said, women need space; safety and security to embody femininity. Though, most only experience confinement and imperilment in society—including within family.
In not knowing how to regulate from this, women can experience a state of adrenaline that disconnects them to their core of nurture: developing a hyper-hurried, hyper-fixated state internally. Here is where the issue of body image for women can emerge. At it’s root, it is a control issue internally for the woman who has became tunneled visioned in on herself in a reach for control, in what feels out of control around them—for information, for analyzation, for explanation, for revenge—to try and understand what feels disoriented and rejected within them. But, women are just waiting and aching for permission and safety to sink into their feminine state.
In our innate nature, women possess a knowledge of life itself that makes the earth burn and turn on its access. Like how a flower blooms slowly over time, not in a moment, women crave slowness in herself and in the world around her.
The wholehearted woman: she is a giver and sustainer of life. She is angry about injustice but not filled with rage. She fights for the restoration of all things, by becoming restored herself. She craves growth. She presses into healing. She knows the only way to resolve anger is forgiveness, so she forgives quickly, deeply and often. She is proliferative at the core. There is a desire to grow the world outside of herself through care and nurture. She nourishes herself and everything around her. She knits her own and other communities together. She has deep trust in the provision and beauty of life. She is deeply acquainted with surrender and sacrifice. She is a leader and a learner. She is at rest, her worth and value have nothing to do with her performance. She is an innate problem solver, deeply engaged with creativity and knows there are many answers to solve an issue. She sees in all angles. She carries the missing piece within men, she is deeply needed and valued. She is expansive. She has permission to become a full expression. She is worth time, attention, energy and work. She celebrates without comparison. She doesn’t easily give up. She asks hard questions and doesn’t settle for half-hearted answers. She practices honesty and offers empathy. She is tuned into her body with kindness and acceptance. She knows she is made to hold the fullness of life. She grieves without losing hope. She seeks wisdom and receives the space to learn. She is soft, tenaciously open and wildly receptive to life. She carries the very essence of beauty, power, creativity, wonder and whimsy. She is fully, infinitely worthy.
Women are meant to be given unending space to experience the containment of these infinities. All of the both, and’s, with no fences. The soft and fierce. Powerful and humble. Tender and gracious. Quiet and loud. Whispers and screams. Shallow water and the deep. Tears and laughter. Tender towards what’s right and angry towards what’s wrong. Flexible and intentional. Tired and awake. Discerning and forgiving. Strong and wise. Grit and honesty. Able to listen and willing to speak. Protects and is protected. She is captivating. She is a dichotomy of beauty.
In her, there is no more proving. No more fighting. No more striving. No more competition with the masculine. No more state of resistance but a state of trust. No more reactiveness but responsiveness. No more black and white state of thinking but filled with the full spectrum of every color within herself. No more threat. No more fear. She is receptive and open. She is safe within herself. She is unrestrained and unbridled. She is whole-heartedly, woman.
She, is love embodied.
